Barry's Jokes

Quote: Sue Sylvester, May 2010

If I didn't have you on facebook i would be stealing these

Quote: Jimmy, May 2010

This is genius.

Quote: Paddy Irishman, May 2010

My friends say I am a cunning linguist because I use euphamisms

Been trying to come up with the proper ending for this joke for a week now. It just doesn't seem right

...I kiss in French?

Quote: Paddy Irishman, May 2010

Quote: James, May 2010

Quote: Paddy Irishman, May 2010

My friends say I am a cunning linguist because I use euphamisms

Been trying to come up with the proper ending for this joke for a week now. It just doesn't seem right

...I kiss in French?

No you see cunning linguist is the euphamism. I think maybe it should be:

My friends say I'm a cunning linguist because I have a quick tongue

Now, that's a well structured one-liner.

Much like this.

I bought my girlfriend a voucher for a bikini wax. She ripped all her other bikinis trying to shave them


I went for a job interview at Marvel. They asked me to name pictures of superheroes. It was a test of character


My cockney uncle tried to make a house out of fruit, but his apples and pears collapsed


My friend said he could see people stealing geese, so I decided to take a gander


I was going to make an ethnic joke, but I'm too drunk


I was going to make a non-sequitur, but I like zombies


I wish I could remember that off the cuff remark I made about Abu Hamza


Do blind people often bite the hand that feeds them?

Quote: James, Jul 2010

Quote: Barrington Smash, Jul 2010

Do blind people often bite the hand that feeds them?

A: Yes, if they don't get their hand out of the way fast enough.

I used a disabled toilet. It won't flush.


I like coming up with jokes, but always get paranoid that someone else has already come up with it.

Quote: Jambalaya On the Bayou, Aug 2010

Quote: Barrington Smash, Aug 2010

I like coming up with jokes, but always get paranoid that someone else has already come up with it.

Its true though. I always think, especially when I make jokes using a well known phrase, that someone has already come up with the same joke.

I told my friend the "cunning linguist" joke, and he told a mate of his at work, who then accused me of stealing the joke from James Bond because of this line:

James Bond: [Whilst being in bed with his Scandinavian language tutor] I always enjoyed learning a new tongue.
Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James.

IT'S NOT THE SAME JOKE! MINE DOES NOT REQUIRE SUCH A RIDICULOUS SET UP! AND THE DOUBLE-MEANING IN MINE IS A DIFFERENT DOUBLE-MEANING THAN THAT ONE!

Cunning Linguist is a euphamism for cunnilingus. Yes. And I see the similarities in the jokes. But I came up with mine in a different way

As a musician, I've had similar conversations. Riffs or parts of material I've been working on have damned near convinced me I've ripped someone elses work off. Thing is, this is often a good sign. In about 90% of cases you wont have, or if you have it will only be similar in passing. How you came to the end result will have varied to how they did, plus your own style and personality will ensure its your own. Add to this the fact that it's good enough to convince you its someone else who you may admires work, and I'd class this as a winner.

I forget exactly what an old friend of mine once said on the subject, but it amounted to the fact that if it seems similar to someone else's work, its a good thing and in almost all cases is c*ck all like what you think it is.

This said, we did completely unknowingly knick a five note bass run from Blue Monday for a track... It was completely unnoticeable until I sat and worked it out though so....