Barry's Jokes

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Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 9:41 am

Steve-Dave -

 
When I was a child, my parents got a divorce and my brother and I got seperated. This left a huge hole in my heart. We were conjoined twins

I got a massage the other day. Afterwards, the masseuse asked me if I wanted a happy ending, so I said yes. She killed a dragon and restored peace to my village.

I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting last night. The first guy stood up and said "I'm Steve, and I'm an alcoholic". I thought to myself "Do flying fish have fins or wings? Or fings? Is that where fish fingers come from?". I was still drunk.

I bought a Muhammad Ali Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine last week. It's better than the George Foreman one, but it shakes a lot more
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 9:47 am

Steve-Dave -

 
I watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon last night. Those Dragons are well hidden
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 10:13 am

Steve-Dave -

 
I met the Jigsaw Killer from Saw outside a playground last night. He said "Did you see Saw?". I said "No, I was just on the swings for a while"
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Jewbacca

| 6,723 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 10:52 am

Jewbacca -

 
THESE JOKES ARE BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.
AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 10:55 am

Steve-Dave -

 
They're MY jokes. What more do you expect?
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Jewbacca

| 6,723 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 11:01 am

Jewbacca -

 
I've got a joke for you while you're here. What did Jim say when someone stepped on his toe?
AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 11:04 am

Steve-Dave -

 
Quote: Sue Sylvester, Mar 2010
I've got a joke for you while you're here. What did Jim say when someone stepped on his toe?


Ow! You stupid f*cking c*ntnugget!
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Jewbacca

| 6,723 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 11:21 am

Jewbacca -

 
Quote: Paddy Irishman, Mar 2010
Quote: Sue Sylvester, Mar 2010
I've got a joke for you while you're here. What did Jim say when someone stepped on his toe?


Ow! You stupid f*cking c*ntnugget!

Close, but no cigar
AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Albi The Racist Dragon

| 7,432 posts


19th Mar 2010 at 10:11 pm

Albi The Racist Dragon -

 
Quote: Paddy Irishman, Mar 2010

I got a massage the other day. Afterwards, the masseuse asked me if I wanted a happy ending, so I said yes. She killed a dragon and restored peace to my village.


Actually lol'd.
[http://card.mygamercard.net/gbar/joelsaysyeah.gif]

[http://www.vegetablerevolution.co.uk/uploads/698876.jpg]

wombat

| 8,153 posts


20th Mar 2010 at 12:44 pm

wombat - Technically sexy.

Technically sexy.

 
I disagree with Martin.
Southern hemispherical rat boy

Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


20th Mar 2010 at 4:02 pm

Steve-Dave -

 
Quote: wombat, Mar 2010
I disagree with Martin.


He's just jealous. Like a guy with no Brylcreem
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


21st Mar 2010 at 6:08 pm

Steve-Dave -

 
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's just hard to tell because apiarists wear those big facemasks
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Lord Havelock Vetinari

| 6,764 posts


21st Mar 2010 at 6:13 pm

Lord Havelock Vetinari - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
The only joke I've ever written was by mistake and hugely racist so I can't even tell anyone it.
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter

Steve-Dave

| 10,860 posts


21st Mar 2010 at 6:18 pm

Steve-Dave -

 
Quote: Abacus, Mar 2010
The only joke I've ever written was by mistake and hugely racist so I can't even tell anyone it.


Just replace any racist terms with the word 'banana'. Like I did with this one:

I saw a monkey throwing a banana at another monkey. It reminded me of a banana throwing a banana at another banana
There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and 9 other different types of people

Lord Havelock Vetinari

| 6,764 posts


21st Mar 2010 at 6:21 pm

Lord Havelock Vetinari - Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

Dismantling a person is sometimes necessary...

 
If you accidentally make up a racist joke does that make you racist? I'm pretty sure I'm not racist but maybe I am. I'm exactly the sort of person who'd be racist and not even realise it...


...It's ok, VR, don't fear, I just had full sex with a black man, so I can't be gay.
I hope some day, for some reason, David Duchovny is investigated by the FBI. Because that would make a great story.

http://www.myspace.com/toppercutter


 
 
Jimmy: Holy sh*t everything's Barry.
Steve-Dave: Everything's better!
Puffalump: Barrier
Steve-Dave: The Barryest it's ever been
Jimmy: I can't wait for more "Important Barry and changes"
Steve-Dave: Well there will be some Barry and changes coming soon, because we need more donations. It no longer just takes £10 a year to help Barry survive
Steve-Dave: It takes like... £13
Steve-Dave: Barry has to walk 5 metres to his car every day... just to go to work and earn money for DVDs and comic books
Steve-Dave: His eyesight is so bad... that he has to wear glasses. Stylish rimless glasses which cost €250
Steve-Dave: His living space is so cramped... that h had to put his workout bench in the garage meaning he doesn't really use it any more
Steve-Dave: But for just €13 a year... You can help Barry afford a DVD that he heard was good but has been out for a while so it's not as expensive as new DVDs
Steve-Dave: Please... Give generously... And help save this poor man's DVD shelf from not being completely full because it just looks weird when it's nearly full. I mean, when it's half full, that's fine. But when there's only a few gaps left... it just looks kinda sad.... y'know
Steve-Dave: Thank you
Rayanne Graff: It scares me when people refer to themselves in the third person.
Steve-Dave: It scares Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV esq. too
Steve-Dave: Like my Grandfather, Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XII Esq. always said: "Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV esq., Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XII esq. gets scared when people refer to themselves in the third person, and Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV esq., Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XII esq. promises to never do that"
Steve-Dave: And like my twin brother, Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV.5 esq. (or Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV esq. for short) says: "Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV esq., Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV.5 esq. doesn't like when people refer to themselves in the third person. You and Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV.5 esq. must have gotten that from our grandfather, Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XII esq."
Rayanne Graff: You nerds crack me up.
Steve-Dave: Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XII esq., Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV.5 esq. and Professor Barrington Cornelius Smashathing XIV esq. all try our best
Rayanne Graff: ... in the pants department.

 

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