22^nd May 2012, 10:45 am

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Wizard!

Quote of the Day III

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Rayanne Graff

| 49,844 posts

12^th Aug 2011 at 11:19 pm

River Phoenix

The fiancé's niece: Whoever invented petticoats should be shot.

[http://www.vegetablerevolution.co.uk/uploads/549604.jpg]

the doc

| 21,472 posts

13^th Aug 2011 at 2:56 pm

What's a little sin to see us through?

Quote: Eerie., Aug 2011

Jane: David got Louise pregnant*.
Nichola: What - by looking at her?
Me: I'm so potent!**

*not really!
**also not really too!

You must have been looking at her c*ck-eyed.

Whiskey, painkillers and speed will carry me there.....

Anniemal

| 12,104 posts

16^th Oct 2011 at 12:08 pm

in controoool

I've been forbidden from posting this on facebook, so this one's just for you guys

Charlie: *sucking on a cork* it's like a pirate's nipple

faisbewk

Rayanne Graff

| 49,844 posts

16^th Oct 2011 at 12:24 pm

River Phoenix

i misread cork as c*ck.

Still, i haven't been awake for long.

the doc

| 21,472 posts

16^th Oct 2011 at 6:18 pm

What's a little sin to see us through?

I've just been told that a text I sent last night is "Superb - quote of the year" by my good buddy Sarfend Geof.

"Yeah man. He is a c*ck-knocker of titanic proportions."

I was talking about El Haj Djouf.

Whiskey, painkillers and speed will carry me there.....

Rayanne Graff

| 49,844 posts

16^th Oct 2011 at 8:22 pm

River Phoenix

Quote: the doc, Oct 2011

I've just been told that a text I sent last night is "Superb - quote of the year" by my good buddy Sarfend Geof.

"Yeah man. He is a c*ck-knocker of titanic proportions."

I was talking about El Haj Djouf.

i don't have a favourite quotation from this year but my favourite 2010 one was Darren's post about churches.

Anniemal

| 12,104 posts

4^th Dec 2011 at 10:52 am

in controoool

me: Can I have a cup of tea?
Charlie: if you answer this riddle...thee.
me: okay!
Charlie: umm...I don't have a riddle
me: ask me what gets bigger the more you take away
Charlie: what gets bigger the more you take away?
me: umm...umm...a hole!
Charlie: yeah! but that's only half a riddle
me: err no it's a whole riddle
Charlie: HAA! *laughs hysterically* that was so muh funnier in real life than it was in my head

faisbewk

the doc

| 21,472 posts

9^th Dec 2011 at 9:51 pm

What's a little sin to see us through?

At work yesterday.

Me: Chris, have you got a calculator next to you?
Chris: Yeah, you want it?
Me: Nah man, I just want you to work this out for me.
Chris: You want me to do it? You've got f*cking thumbs haven't you?
Me: Never mind that, what's a hundred and ninety divided by.......f*ck it, it doesn't matter.
Chris: A hundred and nintey divided by f*ck it? How am I supposed to type that into here.....?

I have a very, very big. important project on the go at work at the moment, involving things that I am not being paid anywhere near enough money to make decisions on or oversee. I have decided, based on the above conversation, that my motto for the project, and the response to any question I'm asked that I can't give a decent response to, is going to be a hundred and ninety divided by f*ck it. So there.

Whiskey, painkillers and speed will carry me there.....

Claire

| 15,304 posts

19^th Jan 2012 at 5:01 pm

Darren is most certainly not my god!

Quote: Penn, Jan 2012

Quote: Rayanne Graff, Jan 2012
Quote: Penn, Jan 2012
Quote: Rayanne Graff, Jan 2012
Yeah, i got the new topics even though they aren't new thing as well. i don't know why it happened so it's probably Baz's fault.

Don't worry, I'll fix it

Like Bob The Builder or jimmy savile.

More like Postman Pat, because I just posted a lot.

ZING!

Actually snorted at Barry in the above. In a lol way, not a pig way.

Coloured Lilac And Insults Really Excessively

Quote: Claire, Jun 2005

Basically, I'm just mangling and regurgitating what everyone's already said.

Joint best Mod 2009. Officials.

Rayanne Graff

| 49,844 posts

1^st Feb 2012 at 5:15 pm

River Phoenix

Me: Do i smell nice?
The fiancé: Yes, what are you wearing?
Me: Cocoa butter and Lush perfume.
The fiancé: Bros perfume?
Me: No, Lush perfume.

i've never had Bros perfume but i did used to have a Bros bag.

Anniemal

| 12,104 posts

1^st Feb 2012 at 8:48 pm

in controoool

one of the girls waiting at the college bus stop:

"what's that rolling down the road? Oh it's my nipple."

faisbewk

Rayanne Graff

| 49,844 posts

16^th Feb 2012 at 8:51 pm

River Phoenix

Maybe i shouldn't quote myself again but people don't post much so f**k it.

The fiancé: Herman was trying to swing from his light so he was like Tarzan.
Me: Or Tortoisezan.

Steve-Dave: Oh I think Romney will still give Obama a run for his money. Romney flip-flops a lot. Could appeal to a wide enough base overall to run it close

oatibix: Something's happened here.

Steve-Dave: This is what happens when you leave Colin.

Steve-Dave: And I don't mean "This is what happens when you leave, Colin", I mean this is what happens when you leave Colin. I left Colin and became all sensible and sh*t

Steve-Dave: I'm an equivocating motherf*cker

Rayanne Graff: Yeah, you're sh*t. i'm not sure about sensible, though.

Jimmy: Holy sh*t everything's Barry.

Steve-Dave: Everything's better!

Puffalump: Barrier

Steve-Dave: The Barryest it's ever been

Jimmy: I can't wait for more "Important Barry and changes"

Steve-Dave: Well there will be some Barry and changes coming soon, because we need more donations. It no longer just takes £10 a year to help Barry survive

Steve-Dave: It takes like... £13

Steve-Dave: Barry has to walk 5 metres to his car every day... just to go to work and earn money for DVDs and comic books

Steve-Dave: His eyesight is so bad... that he has to wear glasses. Stylish rimless glasses which cost €250

Steve-Dave: His living space is so cramped... that h had to put his workout bench in the garage meaning he doesn't really use it any more

Steve-Dave: But for just €13 a year... You can help Barry afford a DVD that he heard was good but has been out for a while so it's not as expensive as new DVDs

Steve-Dave: Please... Give generously... And help save this poor man's DVD shelf from not being completely full because it just looks weird when it's nearly full. I mean, when it's half full, that's fine. But when there's only a few gaps left... it just looks kinda sad.... y'know

Steve-Dave: Thank you

Rayanne Graff: It scares me when people refer to themselves in the third person.

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