Tabitha's stuff

You know those times when you forget everything?
And you have to be reminded;
To eat
to sleep
to see the world outside
to laugh
to love
sometimes even to breathe...
You know those times when you forget yourself?

Punch-drunk and pining for the lover that you lost,
You've come to the conclusion that no-one gives a toss,
Smoke a cigarette in the memory of yesterdays,
Carve a picture with a razorblade and pass out in a haze,
Thinking, just knowing, that no-one cares.

Converted to pen and paper,
Take a pill for popping later,
It'll fuel your creativity,
And provide longevety,
Speakers boom and bass lines roar,
As you lie on the floor,
Naked, hard and weeping,
From all eyes liquid secreting,
Scream and moan and let it go,
Stress relief will squirt and flow,
Write it down and refine and rework,
And pretend it's just a quirk,
Back to the grind four times a day,
Your guilty pleasure'll make you pay,
Art, poetry and p*rn strewn,
None shall enter, lest social doom,
For a clique shall surely ostricise,
The boy who dare moisturise,
And whose sexuality,
Is other than normality.

I've recorded me singing Anorexic Animals, I'm fairly proud of it. Need to find a decent uploading site though.

Knots
There are knots in my mind,
That are holding up my brain,
But they have to be untied,
They're fraying from the strain,

There's no beauty in insanity,
There's no grace in a breakdown,
There's nothing good about jealousy,
It's not pretty being petty,

Being cheap and attainable,
Only serves well a while,
Blinded by my own breath,
And drowning in my own bile,

She said to me quite naked this morning,
"It was only a beautiful dream,"
She held my heart while mourning,
I held my sore, scarred knees,

These knots in my mind,
They snapped under the weight,
I was always told "no man left behind,"
But I was never worth the wait.

Lying on the bathroom floor
Needle in my arm
And a knock on the door
She lifted me up and asked me
"are you okay?"
I just whispered gently
"you've made my day"

We went to the bar
And ordered nothing
Our brains were to addled
To handle anything
For me it was the drugs
For her, it was lust
To everyone else
We were nothing
But specks of dust

To each other we were everything
She said to me
"I know you're full
Of hate and rebellion
You're messed up, it's cool,
But there's more than addiction
There's legal wondrous highs I need to show you"

I gazed into her eyes
Longing for her kiss
And I breathed out
"what is it I've missed?"
She held me close to her
Soft skin and gentle touch
And hissed in my ear
"I love you far too much"

I pulled back and gazed
With horror, not adoration
"I thought this was for fun,
For releasing our frustration?"
She caressed my face
And kissed me with her lashes
I shivered from the cold
And my blood pumped with silk white ashes

Her hand went down my back
And we shared one perfect kiss
She pulled away and said to my throat
"if anything, I must teach you this;
You need to learn to love
Because it's not illegal yet
F*ck romance and a five-year plan
It's better to lose yourself in sweat
'cause who's to say this isn't love?
Who's to say lust isn't our way?
Who's to say we need to be IN love?
Who's to say this isn't just friendship gone astray?"

My brain collapsed and she looked inside me
She propped it up with her tongue
And I hugged her tight in glee
Now the masses, they were staring
But God knows I couldn't care
I was to enthralled
By the taste of her skin and the smell of her hair
She grabbed me by the hand
And dragged me outside
We hailed down a cab
And we drove to a dingy motel, with evil grins and pride

Ordered up a room
Coy stances and knowing glances
We stumbled in to the gloom
Of the room of ruined chances
We lay quiet together
Our mouths muffled our speech
And our hands reached ever nether
If we'd had thoughts of turning back, they were long out of reach

I bit her ear and she gasped
"f*ck me, you're amazing
Make tonight last"
So to the sounds of her praising
I licked and sucked and touched
Her bright red hair against ex-white sheet
And the feeling of her nails as she clutched
Made my heart take a faster beat

She arched her back and I bit my lip
Her body was perfection
I lay my head down by her hip
And she gave me her affection
Her mouth lay slightly open
Her teeth holding her lip
Like her hands were on my shoulders
I watched her chest rise up and dip

We stumbled to get dressed
Not satisfied enough
But our friends would wonder where we got to
And it was better we weren't too rough
I grabbed her by the waist
And slipped my hand down into her jeans
She slipped hers into mine, and asked for one last taste
I nodded and consented and we f*cked again like teens

Looking idly at the clock
We sighed and I said to her
"I am an utter c*ck"
She grinned at this and as if to err
"I'm better than it though"
I smiled and chuckled
"this is true, although
You've yet to see me buckled"
So as if to prove me wrong
Her hands reached for my chest
She licked downwards, for too long
She made me become obsessed

I finally blacked out
In a concoction of drugs and cum
The last thing I saw was her sultry pout
She had rendered me dumb
And yet she taught me so much
I know now to love like it was being outlawed
And to appreciate every touch


I'm quite proud of it, although it feels a wee bit contrived towards the end. I'd like to improve it, but I want feedback from people before I go in and try and fix it XD

Just wrote something.


Strangers

It all happened when I was pretty young, like, 9? Yeah, I think I was 9. Anyway, I had to go out shopping with my mum. I was bored sh*tless. I wandered off and kicked my feet off the kerb for about 5 minutes. Some guy came up to me, asked me where my parents were. I said it was just my mum, and that she was inside. He shook his head and said I should go find her. I rolled my eyes at him. I learned to do that at a remarkably young age.

Anyway, he walked off. I went back to kicking the kerb. A woman came up to me after that, I dunno how long later. She was beautiful.I might have been 9, but holy crap she was gorgeous. She said "your mum must be looking for you". I can still remember that damn voice, too, even now, so silky and hypnotic, oh man, if I heard it now I'd probably melt into her. I just nodded dumbly, mumbled "probably". She held out her hand for me to take it.

I didn't even f*cking think about stranger danger and such, she was just too damn beautiful and kind and, well, female, to be the "stranger" that we were always taught to fear. But she led me, and I walked, gawking. All the way to her car. F*cking sports car she had, a far cry from the mucky van or run-down Fiat we were conditioned to fear.

I got in and she f*cking ragged me. When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. I was in a grimy room, I could tell you that much but I had no idea how far from the shops it was, hell, I didn't know the time of day or the town and I only vaguely recalled my mum.

I remember her now. I miss her so much. I wish I had went about the shops with her. I mean, I'd actually kill someone just to spend a 45 minute boring f*cking shop with her right now. That's how much I miss her.

But anyway, the room, before I start to tear up. They don't like that.

The room was a kind of yellowish grot. I stumbled about after I got up, clearly the chloroform was still in my tiny system. I faceplanted onto the tiles. Burst my nose. It hurt like hell. The blood just ran in rivulets across the tiles and I looked at them and I looked at the yellow; it was stains, bodily, bloody, pussy, p*ssy stains. I wanted to throw up but I could hardly breathe as it was, what with the nose spurting blood and even when I retched I think my brain realised being sick would suffocate me. I didn't want to die then. I was scared, yeah, but I didn't want to die.

I pinched my nose and tipped it back. I think that's what you're NOT supposed to do, but I don't care. It clotted anyway. Then I looked around properly. I was more orientated then so I could have a better ogle.

One door.
One f*cking door. There was a light strip on the ceiling and the door. That was it. That was the whole room.
That, and the blood, and me.
I hammered on the walls and bawled and screamed. I can't remember the panic that well, but I panicked. I pounded the walls and that f*cking door 'til my tiny little fists hurt and then some. The woman came for me eventually. At first I was glad to see a friendly face, but then it hit me that she ragged me. So I hurtled towards her. She had me flung across the opposite side of the room before I even TOUCHED her, and I still to this day don't quite understand how. Or why, actually. Why was she scared of a 9 year old's attack?

She came over to me and she looked a bloody vision. Wearing red and it was all so tight and I think if this all hadn't happened to me, my fantasies would feature this chick every night.
She knelt down, her heels keeping her from touching the disgusting floor, and said to me, "you never get taught about stranger danger, kid?". Smirked at me, patronising as hell.

I said, meek and scared and a little bit angry "I did too".

She tutted and got up and barked at me to move.

I stumbled after her and tried not to fall face-first again.

We left The Room, into a corridor. There was flesh hanging from hooks, and it reminded me of when I was a bit younger than that when we got taken to the abattoir to see where our food came from but there was more to this thing. It didn't look like cows but I can't tell you what they were.

We got to the end of the corridor and she walked so confidently, never looking back for me, just knowing that I was following.

She opened the door there and it was an office, it was like my dad's, but... weird. Like, it had things on the wall that just didn't look right. Framed pictures of these THINGS, some of them creatures that were warped and sickening but they were posing in these photos like they were normal people. Some of them were artsy shots of meat and sinew draped around things, like it were furs on a model. Actually, I think there was a "model" with a carcass draped on her. It looked more like a f*cking spag bol that had been dumped in the middle of it. It still managed to pose seductively though. Weird things.

After this terrified cursory glance around the room, I looked back up at Her. She tutted at me and told me to sit still.

We waited, not much interesting happened except I tried to figure out what the hell these deformed THINGS were, to no avail.

Then this guy arrived, and it was f*cking weird. He was - f*ck, I dunno. He wasn't as abstract as the spag bol hooker, but he wasn't human, far f*cking from it. I dunno what the hell he looked like. I reckon he was an alien. Never seen him since that day though.

So, visualise him how you want. I just assure you he wasn't a cute little green man. He had a sort of reddish purple hue to him, though. Like a liver.

He sat - or whatever what he did was - behind his desk and opened his mouth at me. I looked at him, terrified, and it dawned on me that this was a smile. He was smiling. With this gaping maw.

He began to talk at me. Can't remember exactly what he said, but he berated me for going with Her, who was called Helena, and then told me I was going to be used. Didn't get told what for, that's just how the conversation ended; "You were, in short, very, very stupid," he... said, "but we will use you."

Then he upped and left.

Helena dragged me back the way, to the abattoir, and led me off to a side room past the carcasses and dumped me in there.

I couldn't see at first. It was really dark.

My eyes slowly adjusted and I saw there was things against the back wall - I was hesitant to call anything human now. But, no, they were kids. They were around my age, mostly. Some were older, teenagers, folks in their 20s. There were a couple really small kids. But they just looked at me for what seemed like the longest time.

Finally after our stunned staring match, one of them spoke.

Said, "you f*cking went with Helena. You f*cking idiot."
I gasped 'cause I was 9 and saying the F word was A Bad Thing and she just said it twice but someone whacked me backside the head.

"Stop your crying. You're here, now."

That was a guy. A girl piped up after, "leave the kid alone, he's just been taken and doesn't know what's going on. You were there once too."

The guy huffed at her. The girl came towards me. Explained everything. Explained nothing. Explained that this dark room would be my life and that they had no idea what was going on but they had theories.

So, I'm 14 now. And I'm still here. But it's not like I can go back anyway. Nobody knows where the f*ck we are, to start with. I just need to bide my time, hoping the missing persons department or whatever looks for stray kids somehow finds wherever the f*ck we are, whether it's on ol' Terra Firma or if it's somewhere in the black and bleak depths of space, or wait 'til I'm meat.

That's what we reckon happens, at least. It makes sense - all the carcasses and The Room, and the line that we've all heard - "we will use you". We're food.
And I think that might be why schools don't take stranger danger that seriously, but I might be wrong.

But who cares. I'm here now. Not much I can do.