Strawberry's poems

Space (written on Friday, the 11th of November, 2005).

I feel invisible
like wind or air
Maybe it's too late but I don't know if I care.

Alienation
hurting my soul
Numbing my mind
like I'm losing control.

I used to have hope
but it faded away
Sometimes I ask myself
where everything has gone.

Leaf (written on Friday, the 11th of November, 2005)>

Sometimes I wonder
what it's like to be a tree
I would dance with the wind
in the cold midnight sky.

Birds would build their nests in me
squirrels would live in me
Children would climb me
and I would feel useful.

Sometimes I wish
that I could be a tree
Trees are so pretty
and graceful.

Branches (Thursday, the 10th of November, 2005).

Winter is a time of grey
a time of broken hearts and decay
The seasons are dying
and I'm dying inside.

Pieces of stone
pieces of leaf
Like a memory
of disbelief.

When my shame is hurting
and my heart breaks in two
Sometimes I wonder
if they remember too.

My secret shame
my blame, my pain.

Spirit is broken
like a piece of glass
Maybe if I killed myself
it would be what they expected.

7.

You never know
You've hurt the world
Until you've cut it
To pieces
There's no stone that you
Can leave unturned
Until you die of its diseases
Fish are caught; a licence is bought
To murder, eat and maim
Doesn't mean they can't feel because they don't scream
You kill in your God's name
Loud murderers with no subtlety
Know not to feel or weep
I, myself, find
Your hate is blind
Your talk drives me
To sleep
Don't you care; no, they'll give you a quid
For the squid whose life you did
You did mine as well; you gave me hell
For can't you tell
I'm a murderer as well
But I've changed; is that so strange?
Not to me, anyway
Not them but me; you will agree
That is worthless.

8. (Paranoid Child.)

Paranoid child; tears in her eyes
Waving goodbye
To the side of the dawn
Something inside
That always was denied
I know because
He said so
Dreams are the only that love is caught
Yet you give me no day time or even a thought
But I'm shaking with my tears, swept along with my fears
And I scream like a werewolf in the night
I cannot wait for you; there's no love to be true
There's little chance of me
Getting over you and being all right again
Now that I will not be my expected image
Of the subserviant female, doomed to be bound and a slave
So much sadness, so much pain
My tears are falling down like the rain
Until I've learned to love myself
I'll never love again.

9. (The One I Love.)

The one I love
Is far away
But not so in
My heart
For months on end
I wept and prayed
From this world he would
Not part
Oh talisman, oh talisman
What did you so
For me?
It is too late
For life is hate
I blame my ancestry
How long have I waited in anguish
Is it I who must foot all the blame
I have leapt, I have longed, I have languished
But at least now I can mention his name
I know I will never forget him
And I now have a little more hope
He helps me to see the love within me
And attempt, at least, to cope
I love him despite the worries and pain
That have glided along my paranoid brain
Despite the betrayals, mistrusts and regrets
I hope, he may love me yet.

10. (I Wish I Were Someone Else.)

Nothing you say can make me change my ways
Your words will have no effect
I want to die; the tears in my eyes
I wish I were someone else
Why can't you see, that you're precious to me
Yet you held me aloft from a rope
This nature be crust, and turn into dust
But how am I supposed to cope?
Emptiness in my veins, corrodes in my face
I wish that my dead were with me
Or that I could scream, present width in a dream
But it's sometime so I'll hug a tree
There's little left to curse
Leave wayward screams alone
Handfasted close in time
Though it could not be much worse
Cold betrayal now my vision came
Embryos molesting my hair
Too septic so I take the blame.

11. (Screaming.)

We're bleeding; we're screaming
Like fires in
The close
We're landing, expanding
But nobody knows
Or cares
Friendship is above us; satisfy our hate
With no-one left to love us, for our needs are still too great
Speak to the dead; if they'll understand
The living are worthless; they f*** and command
Reality is empty; its needs are too large
Its fortress implores us
To grab and submerge
As it sinks in the sea; who will jump off the barge
Cursed time; please your mind
It's amusing
Free love; free your mind
Discover what it is you need to find
Through the fields of grain
Where truth rots upon the air
When circles form; who seems to care
With crusts aloft, and flowers ripped
And bellies frown at your fingertips
Let this crow be your lessened home
Boing like a sparrow in a plastic dream
The world is dressed and in this alone
So let out a primal scream.

12. (I See You.)

I see you; I need you
Like death's icy veil
Entranced, I dance, to your glance
And breathing is dense though somewhat pale
Forensic, or dyspraxic, who cares?- you're away
I'm somewhat automatic, so I'm trying to neigh
In your membranes, on your selfsame
I'm trying to live, but I'm gone
With this world so cold and empty
All they want is alimentary
Too far, too soon, colliding in time
And this, like the moon, is subjected to mime
Your infinite body, I try to succumb
You hold me and rock me, but fall on your womb
Forensic dyspraxic, who cares?- you're away
I'm somewhat automatic, so I'm trying to neigh.

13. (Alone With A Smell.)

Sometimes you think you're a brain, though you've been slain
When the world wants to f*** you as well.
There's too many people, watching through peepholes
Falling from steeples
When you're
Alone
With a smell
Radiation; integration
They never give a t*ss
Feel pretensious redempted vibrations
For all love's misplaced or last
Let us all burn, and don't drink your ring
The world will be spurned, until we all learn to sing
Stardust tipped in our purple hair; watching the kaleidoscopic fanfare
Worthless, mirthless, with mind to kill in dell
But you can escape from the trappings of r*pe
Yes, you can escape: be alone
With a smell

21. (Is It There?)

Is it there, is it there?
A world in a sea of upheaval, and nobody cares
I walk alone; feeling worthless and scared
I've tried to speak, but I'm thought a freak, and so nobody cares
Nothing ever happens; it's never real anyway, it's not as if I'm the only one
No one seems to understand
I could vaporise from the warmth of a hand
But my life has ended before it's even begun
Why everyone hates me, is beyond my grasp
I don't even have the courage to ask
I've lost my purpose, though I've always had pain
There's nothing to live for, save my disdain
With the embryo of my soul, rising through the air
I'll try to pretend I don't care
Shadows of my life, echoes of my being
I'll cut my hair with a knife, and try to find my meaning.

22. (William.)

William, William, where are you now?
Back in the green field, f***ing a cow?
They haven't forgotten you, just when you died.
What was it, patricide?
Died as a teenager, killed by a friend
You did not see your child before your cruel end
Your being cursed by  a metaphorical spear
You killed 21 gun, was it self-defence or fear?
In 1952 or 1953, they dug up your grave
They were probably young and depraved.

23. (Groovy Garden.)

No word for this certain kind of bliss
That I have heard, though I'm an anarchist
These beams transformed your eyes
I have dreamed as the evening turns night
So cold, adjusted my memory
I'm old, for this is just travesty
In these mirrors of pools, I see your face
I wonder and blunder, through all the disgrace
As I'm waiting for movement loft from the trees
And butterflies from certain kind of breeze
But life is so barren, and tinged with disdain
Lost in its own catalogue of pain
Make love to the world, and upheave yourself.

24. (Trickle of Dust.)

Once owned by trickle of dust, with the remnants brushing through me
It's like the wind; but, oh, where it begins
It has grown, it has moaned, that's not what it used to be
We're all born in a prison
Hit on the head by its gong
Pained, stained and shamed by religion
Which claims it can never be wrong
I don't know where I am
Lost in this desert, I don't where I be
Lost in the desert, like one who is pregnant
And trapped, but in a way that no one can see
There's so much repression, so we have no expression
Perhaps it's a conspiracy.

25. (Child.)

I was sitting, placidly knitting
Alone, in my home by the sun
When I was approached by a moment
Said, 'Child, your work is done'
And all the stars seemed to lose their poor light
While I wondered what I had said
I'd better put up more than a fight
Or perhaps I was better off dead
When now the world has deserted me
Perhaps I am now better off
I'll crawl in the dirt, and try not to be hurt
And give myself some more love
We all take it on in the end
Proceeded by your final breath
Some tears may be induced by a relative friend
Singing, child, my work's not done, my work is death.

26. (Cheesy Grin.)

You say you know everything
But you can't even attempt to begin
Give me a surprise, open up your eyes
And smile a cheesy grin
When you told me you'd a place in university
Although I know I was supposed to jump up and whoop
It's quite a big step, with all the hassle you'll get
Are you sure that you can coop?
As my face fell floating and disappeared
Now there was laughing and some thought I was weird
I could try to kiss your hand
If it would make you understand
It's true
Let them know that you're the most
Take a seasick overdose
Turn blue
Soon you'll be grinning from ear to ear
Your life is your temple, you've nothing to fear.

27.

Stored in the archives, drowned in the sea
Who the f*** am I supposed to be?
To which stereotype must I succumb?
From the colours of your womb
With the mixture of teardrops on your face
Let me save you from disgrace
Though I'm not your mentor or your guide
We will find a place to hide
Sit in silence, with your mouth held in lock
Some fear will not permit you to speak
Maybe it's disdain, or just shock
Or perhaps your mouth muscles are weak
With your membranes stored in this box
Attached to a length of your silvery locks
I'll never forget you, with your arms tinged with blood
I hope you have justice, that it may do you good.

28.

Why take the words of others, and use them for yourself
Call those beings your brothers, yet take them for self-defence
Acting's a form of bleeding, satisfy your hate
Though your hair's receding, you still think that you're great
And your face changes, colours of your ring
Throgh its furry hazes, blurring everything
Soft are the tears that drip on my hair
And I'm so f***ing psychic, but my fears are still there
With cold deliverance from those who tread
On the bodies of animals, the tortured and dead
May the dismembered
Bones of time make your laws
Be this remembered
And take your own cause
In this palace, forged by its tomb
I bear you no malice, for I know you'll have doom.

36. (No.)

Rivalry seems of little significance, faced in the midst of tragedy
There is too much indifference that will not give thanks
to me
Our births are but worthless; it's time to be real
You give me your hearse look; you forget how to feel
But I think sanctity thanks me; it makes me all right
I need a push button mushroom to help me make it through the night
But living is a mountain, or a house made from mortar
I cannot flow like a fountain, not when death is its daughter.

37. (H.)

Last night I had a fearless dream: if only dreams come true
You were suicide by cyanide, so I was then at last rid of you
I do not care for you; you took off my body
You ruined my life; one day you'll be sorry
I do not care for scum such as thee
Who have stolen aft my liberty
Who have taken my dignity, let it now be said
That you have no significance, whether you live or are dead.

I suppose it is pretentious... I'm just posting these poems to try & get certain things out of my system.

If you don't like my poems, don't read them. Writing these numbered poems saved my life. I suppose some of them are pretentious. 38 is pretentious and naive... but I
don't care.

38.

No more screaming; they will not believe
They call you a traitor; a pervert, a thief
They take away your body, make muffled are your groans
They are sub-human, won't leave you alone#
When the government is overthrown
We will have freedom and respect
But I don't think I'll get over it
For I never could forget
When we are siblings, but not steeped with fascism
We will be dribbling with the fresh water of anarchism
United in Kropotkin, Proudhon, Bakunin
Overcome the b*ll*cks, whose right wing views
are looming.

39. (Inspiration.)

Inspiration is a piece of dirt, sobriety is a farce
A curse upon society, a finger up its *rse
Sanctity is false, the world is tinged with hate
Trembling, whilst dismembering
The fortunes which are no great
The world is a b*st*rd with no spasm of hope
It's worthless, and I can no longer cope
For the world makes me hurl; all it contains now is doom
A thousand tiny deaths, boinged in a second breath
Transparent in an icy tomb
All the ideas I have have gone to my head.

40. (Oblivious World.)

I wish I were with him; I wish I were worthless
If only I'd no feelings, could away the tears
But I cannot stop sobbing, my poor heart it keeps throbbing
And my brain has trapped in this hole for years
I've had too many heartbreaks, many more than I can take
I feel like the world has been killled, I feel guilt when I laugh
My memories are shattered, they are the few things that matter
For all that I have left of him is a photograph
Cold is my life now, my troubles and strife now
Are a common occurence that I know all too well
Tears and empty sadness
Have replaced all the gladness
Let it ring on and sting like a bell
I wish I were with him, I wish I were worthless
I wish I'd no feelings, could comb away the tears
But I cannot stop sobbing, my heart it keeps throbbing
And I cannot dispel all the paranoid fears
Fears that are crawling within me
Fears that do tarnish and trap
I cannot begin to explain all the pain, that hits me in the face like
a slap.

Quote: Diamonds_In_The_Dark_

I didn't say I didn't like them


I was on your side, there.

OK. I misunderstood. Thanks.

47. (Flow.)

Flow, like a ghost
Your spirits turning around in your grave
There's apathy on the coast
Of those who have made your mem'ry a slave
If only you'd come to me, fashioned in wire
If only I'd died instead first
Maybe you'll come back from the dead of the mire
Who knows? It could have been worse
Who knows if we'll ever learn anything
Of love or peace; I don't know, but my vibes are bleeding
Though, surely, from guilt and grieving, we feed
Death alone, is death indeed
Blood's on the forest; alone, barring hate
Our future's demising; our destinies irate
I will focus my mind on a far-away time
When alleged mind-expansion, is not considered a crime
May your memory flow on like a river
A true being is never forgotten
May your love grow on and neither fade or be gone
As I lie here; selfish, weeping and rotten
May your memory flow on, like a river
May your vibes turn the world out of sight
And blow on, hour by hour, like a wind-grooving sunflower
With soft moments compressed; it's time to say goodnight.

48. (Remembrance.)

I cast mine eyes, and swept mine mind; for grief is blind,
for remembrance
For though you're gone, I still think upon
You're loving and grooving self-temperance
They seem to be trying to deny you now
No-one ever claims it's unfair
PC will go; instead, hatred will flow
Someone said you'd 'snuffed it,' shows
The extent to which they care
If this be love, that I am thinking on of
My feelings aloft on a hope
There is little surprise, for the tears in my eyes
While I'm screaming that I never could cope
Belittled excuses, in an empty room
Like a cold, empty, distant flame in the night
Just as I once thought; the world, it is doomed
The reality of the mentality seems to be: kill those who do
not fight
There was some kind of silence in the air, when you died
Claim for doom, in a mental loom, when there's nothing left to do but cry
The reality was a gravity; I sit and wonder why
I think, somehow, of a butterfly; who suffocated, before it learned to fly.

49. (Yes, No, Goodbye.)

Yes, no , goodbye
The words, shaped and fashioned, on a board
If I can know those who die
That will be my only reward
I suppose I could then use a planchette
So my words will be writ automatic
I'm here, all  alone, with the dead's silent
But I don't think I'll ever be glad of it
Memories of the dead, who lived long ago
Unless I asked them, how could I know
How could I know, unless I asked them
How else could I risk disaster
With these words, spoken with the touch of a hand
Memories, fortunes, advices, demands
Who knows of the living, the living can lie
Remember, dismember; see it as a sign
Whether it be dowsing, ESP, or consulting the dead divine
Carved, as it always was; written in a line
Carved in a piece of wood; yes, no,goodbye.

50. (Death.)

Death is unfortunate, although it's a phase
Which murderers rarely desire
One time I looked to it, with hope and with praise
Now I can't take it anymore
I thought maybe, somehow, someone would alert us
And then, some time later, convert us
Thus saving many innocent animals
Mistreated on the grounds of human selfishness
Though death is a saviour, it's also our doom
As you live, you must learn to grow stronger
I know I'd feel safer, if I were now with you
It is hard for me to take it much longer
With hope out of the window, my arms fly akimbo; only to hit myself on the head
I wish I were with you, though, but your spirits glow on you
No matter what monstrosities stay said
When I was but a child, I saw your love and light
Which helped me with years of my sadness
Now you are dead and gone, your memory still lives on
With your hopes flowing on, this gives me gladness.

51. (Samhain.)

It is no longer Samhain anymore
So why does my body weep
For this beauteous one, whose song cascades on the ocean
Or scream his name in my sleep
(I didn't mean it in a rude way. It's just that I dreamt/ dream about him.)
Though my selfish tears have flown on, poor dears
I think you would have wanted me to be free
Besides which, I'm a psychic whose contacts don't like it
And a purveyor of anarchy
And with your body cast away from this world
Where will hope or happiness begin
Everything goes wrong, along in its turn
But everyone else is grinning a cheesy grin
May embryos cascade, in memory of a better day
No-one speaks on it, anyway; they've apathetically forgotten
In memory of a beauteous dream, when hope and love beads can be seen
What kind of naivete could this be?
I'll always remember.

52.

There is no hope for this world anymore
In its state of doom and disarray
My spirit is weary, embellished with sores
Which were not there before he passed away
It is easy to live; it's only matter and breath
But the world it is doomed, on it looms in its hell
Where's the Goddess who brought you to your untimely death
It just seems so futile and alone with a smell
Like a lone teardrop, trickling on the face of this earth
Softly trapped, never fading away
Everyone else here is tripping with mirth
But I cannot resign myself with the memories in my mind
Your eternal beauty will always stay
In my heart, you always will be
More than a dream and a memory
A semblance of something I once hoped would be me
Uninfluenced of what's left of the fascist regime.